Fireball? You could take it or leave it. Youre not the biggest fan of Bud Light. And you could definitely live without red wine. Drinking just isnt a big deal to you. Thats why partying is so awkward when youre actually in the mood to get drunk.
1. You never know what to order.
Ill have whatever youre having is your favorite phrase. There are way too many types of vodka and whiskey for you to keep track of. Youll just drink whatever is handed to you so you dont have to go through the trouble of actually picking a drink out yourself.
2. The bathroom is your best friend.
Your bladder isnt used to all that liquid, so you have to run off to find a toilet every five minutes. Your friends have no clue if youre peeing or puking, because either one is a possibility when it comes to you.
3. No one understands the concept of sobriety.
If you decide to skip the alcohol altogether, everyone will ask you if youre sick, a designated driver, or a pussy. Theyd understand your decision if you were fresh out of rehab. But turning down a drink by choice? Thats crazy talk.
4. Youre tipsy after your first drink.
Your friends are chatting like everything is normal, even though theyre on their third mixed drink. Meanwhile, youve only had one light beer and youre already starting to feel out of it. Your healthy little body cant handle it.
5. You do a double take at the bill.
Eight bucks for that teeny tiny shot you gulped down in two seconds? That cant be right. Thank goodness youre a lightweight. Otherwise, youd be spending a fortune for one drunken night of fun.
6. You arent bribed by free drinks.
When your friends invite you over for a few beers, you want to know who else will be there and what else they have planned. The promise of free alcohol isnt enough to win you over. You actually want to know that youll be surrounded by good company. Otherwise, whats the point?
7. Youre more judgmental than youd like to be.
You dont want to be an asshole, but sometimes its hard not to pass judgment on the dude throwing up in the bushes with a red solo cup still in his hand. Some people just dont know when enough is enough.
8. You suck at drinking games.
When its time to play Quarters or Flip Cup, you have to ask someone to remind you of the rules. You even suck at classic games like Beer Pong, because youre the only one who hasnt been playing it since you were in high school.
9. You feel super self-conscious about everything.
Alcohol is supposed to make you feel more confident, but it has the opposite effect on you. You couldnt keep up with conversations about craft beer on a normal day, but while your head is spinning and vision is splotchy? You know youre going to end up sounding like an idiot.
10. You end up with a horrible hangover.
Your friends are used to drinking, so theyre comfortable getting three hours of sleep and then waking up for an eight hour shift the next morning. But you? You feel like an anvil fell on your head and an elephant is crushing your stomach. Youre calling out for work, no doubt about it.