Ah, the annual office holiday party. Its the perfect opportunity to cut loose with your coworkers, blow off steam and let your colleagues finally see you with your hair down.
Its also a social situation that lends itself to embarrassing snafus, awkward conversations, wardrobe malfunctions and some super awkward next-morning run-ins at the watercooler.
Below are a few things youve been quietly hoping will happen at this years office party, but who are you kidding? We all know how this will turn out.
Office gift giving
Expectation: This years Secret Santa exchange will finally yield something you can actually use.
Reality: Oh great. Another mug. Good thing you spent $50 on that carefully thought-out gift for Rick from sales.
Your office crush
Expectation: Youll get a chance to show your office crush just how well you clean up, and youll win their heart with your spot-on rendition of Adeles latest hit during karaoke.
Reality: Your office crush shows up with his or her smoking hot new S.O., leaving you to wallow (alone) in the open arms of the open bar. After one too many Jack and Cokes, you decide to dominate the Karaoke machine, where your challenging song of choice The Star Spangled Banner isnt doing you any favors. Too bad beer googles arent the same as beer headphones.
Brushing shoulders with the higher ups
Expectation: Youll finally work up the courage to exchange friendly banter with members of the C-suite, displaying your enchanting wit and securing a promotion on the spot.
Reality: Despite the fact that youre just two seats away from the CMO at the company dinner, you chicken out and spend the entire meal listening to Alex from accounting discuss the intricacies of Excel spreadsheets in excruciating detail. You pretend to be riveted by this banal banter, which Alex mistakenly interprets as an invitation to put a hand on your knee under the table.
Killing it on the dance floor
Expectation: Youll be the life of the party and rock the dance floor, showing everyone just how expertly you can cut a rug.
Reality: You accidentally elbow your bosss wife in the nose while trying to execute a particularly tricky move. You spend the next two hours fetching ice packs for her and simultaneously telling your boss how you just love working weekends.
Getting a restful sleep
Expectation: Youll be home before midnight.
Reality: You stumble into your apartment at 3:30 a.m., which is truly impressive, considering all the bars in the area close at 1:00 a.m. and the party ended at midnight. Youve also somehow managed to lose a shoe a shoe and you have vague recollections of making out with Alex in the backseat of a cab.
The next day
Expectation: This will finally be the year you avoid a post-holiday-party hangover.
Reality: Champagne, sugary eggnog and red wine are a disastrous combo, and you spend the entire next day sitting through three hours of meetings with a throbbing headache. Oh, and avoiding Alex in the communal kitchen.
Guess you didnt learn your lessons from last year but hey, look on the bright side: Neither did anybody else.