Dear professional tequila girl,
I know why you’re reading this. More importantly, you know why you’re reading this.Some would say you’re the crazy one, but the fact of the matter is, you just know how to have a good time.
For many years, you’ve been committed to your craft. You’re as loyal as they come.Although others struggle to keep up or understand, you keep doing what you do best.
My fellow tequila girls, in honor of Cinco de Mayo (aka, tequila girl Christmas), here are some things only we can fully relate to:
1. Not all tequila is created equal.
There’s the good tequila (the 100 percent agave kind) and the fake tequila. You wouldn’t be caught dead with that mixed stuff. You are a woman of quality.
2. You have a duty to bring good times to those around you.
Your nights have no space for negativity, and you’re all about the good energy. (Dancing on the bar? Maybe.)
3. You’re the enabler.
You’re the one encouraging your friends (and the random people you meet) to throw back the shots. You’re quite the social butterfly. People love having you around because it’s like having a personal cheerleader.
4. You only take your liquor straight.
Tequila girls are ready to go. They take their drink straight, no chaser. This can also be seen as a metaphor for how they handle life.
5. You know there are always more adventures to go on.
You don’t believe in going home early. Your bed will still be there tomorrow, and the time to start living is right now.
6. You’re secretly pretty hardcore.
People jokingly challenge you to drinking contests, but then realize you don’t touch chasers and never plan to. You might not come off hardcore at first, but give it time (or just a few shots).
7. You either bartend or aspire to bartend.
It just comes with the territory. Bars always encourage more laughter, and you have that in common with them.
8. You try to convert the amateurs.
You try to train everyone to keep up with you. You just hope they’ll get there eventually.
9. You will never cheat on your true love.
You scoff when people try to offer you beer. Are you kidding? Don’t they know it’s against your religion?
10. You’ve read enough articles about the benefits of tequila to not even feel guilty.
Weight loss? Blood sugar control? Yeah, you chose the right drink. Nothing to be ashamed of here.
11. Your stories are the best ones.
If you didn’t personally experience what your life was like, you might not even believe it was possible. Dull nights out just don’t happen to you.
12. You went home with some bar decorations and totally embraced it.
Again, you regret nothing. You’re just doing your thing.
13. You laugh when people say they can’t handle tequila.
Tequila always has such a bad rep. However, you know tequila is the innocent one. You’ve been doing this for years, and you’re doing just fine. If people want to stop getting sick, they should learn which tequilas are worth the extra money.
14. You actually already started drinking as you were reading this.
Or, you juststarted getting ready for your festivities tonight. It’s OK. It’s 2 am somewhere. (Plus, it is your Christmas.)
15. Youknow it’s a lifestyle, not a drink.
Not everyone can handle tequila, and that’s why you do it for them.
To my fellow tequila queens, cheers to you.Make good decisions tonight, and if all goes wrong, it’s OK to buy yourself dinner on the way home.
The girl ready to hand you the next shot
A version of this article originally appeared on PuckerMob.